My Epic Journey To Find Myself

flyingsloth

Hello everyone out there in internet land. I just wanted to do a quick post on my current situation. In the real world I found myself stuck in between a rut and a hard place (combo). So what do people like me do when they find themselves in such a place? They go on barefooted spirit walks into the Himalayas of course. And that is exactly what I did.

While trekking up those treacherous hills I found a sort of peace and tranquility that comes once in a lifetime. But I soon discovered that it was far too boring, the peace was far too peaceful and the tranquility was far to tranquillis… tranquiliti… far too peaceful. Thus I journeyed on (but missed the midnight train) braving the elements and traversing the labyrinth of rock and ice. Finally I stumbled upon a grand and majestic temple. Of course my curiosity would get the better of me, and I knew that I had to view what lay inside this mysterious structure. Plus Lara Croft taught me that all the best loot and awesome stuff get hidden in such places… Maybe even an achievement or two. Once inside the marvelous formation of stone, I came across an old monk meditating. Apparently sensing my arrival he asked “What brings you into my dwelling?”  I replied “I am looking for answers.” The monk replied swiftly and with assurance “42.” and returned to his meditation. Baffled, I took a few moments to gather my thoughts, for I knew my next words would be most important in finding the answers I was seeking. “No… that can’t be accurate.” “Yes it is” the man said without opening his eyes. “Yeah… no, I don’t think that’s true” I spoke quizzically. “Look, who is the monk here?” He asked. “Fine, fine… You must travel back to where you came from young one. And in your return travel you will discover your true animal spirit.” “Finally!” I thought to myself “A quest!” I thought to myself, and also out loud partially frightening the holy monk. I bowed out of respect even though he was kind of a dick, than went on my merry way to find my animal spirit. Sadly the developers decided not to include a portal of some sort, so I had to back track through the entire adventure. But it was not all in vain because my animal spirit finally appeared before me! While following my GPS for the fastest path back down the mountain, I heard a rustling in a bush to my right. Deciding against my better judgment to just death stomp the bush into oblivion, I waited until I saw a small claw poke through the flora. Around 20 minutes later the rest of the creature finally made it out into the path in front of me. “Of course!” I shouted with glee. The creature that stood before me was that of the Sloth. “I am looking for answers.” I told the sloth, same as the monk before him. It looked at me with an unmistakably confused face. I repeated myself, still with no reply from my spirit animal. Suddenly the wind picked up around me and began to rush past at an alarming speed. The leaves around me flew into the air, and the mighty trees that made up the forest shook from the power. Within the noise and chaos I heard a small voice whisper gently into my ear. It was hard to make out but I believe it went something like this “Stop being lazy and post more things.” Alas! A sign from my animal spirit! I then knew what must be done. I looked back down at my animal spirit with admiration and knew that I had to give a little something back. I decided to bestow a few moments of flight to my slow and flightless friend. I reached down and raised him high above me and began to race down the mountain side at top speed. I took a quick glance at my new found friend and saw a hint of pure terror in his eyes. But I knew that I must have been mistaken so I continued on, picking up speed as we went. I was certain that he appreciated this small token of my gratitude. I would have asked him myself, but sadly while spinning him over head he slipped from my fingers and flew down the mountain side. I wasn’t too worried though, I mean he was of course just the embodiment of my spirit and not just an ordinary sloth that happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. thus no harm could come to him… Probably… Probably no harm could come to him. After finally reaching the bottom an odd thing happened. I awoke in my bed, confused I stood up and realized that it was all just a dream. But that feeling of finding my self was still there! So maybe it wasn’t just a dream after all?

Hopefully this would explain my absence over the past few weeks. But either way if you’ve read this far then you clearly have nothing else better to do. After the first few lines you should have realized that this was retarded. So don’t blame me for wasting 10 minutes of your life.

Now with my animal spirit and I fully in alignment, the news and updates that you need, NAY… That you deserve will be coming at you faster than you can go on a spirit quest to the Himalayas.

Thanks for reading and Namaste

-AwesomeSloth

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2 responses to “My Epic Journey To Find Myself

  1. Haha yes that would have raised some suspensions. This post was originally just going to make a quick joke about taking a spirit walk to the Himalayas… But kind of just kept going from there. Took me all lunch break.

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